Ye you heard me right...Big Brother (at least the one in the UK, and I suppose the concept as a whole), should win an award... for being the epitome of everything that is currently wrong with the world.
In that alone, no other "thing" can touch it, and I say "thing" as it goes way beyond media. It is truly, the definitive opus, and I can prove it.
For a start, its the ultimate swindle. In years gone by you had to have an idea to make good telly, then you had to write a script, produce it properly etc etc.
These Endemol monkeys (the evil ones that produce this pile of fuming shit), have managed to make a programme out of putting cameras in a flat, and letting us watch a bunch of scummy twats for a few months. And you fuckers actually watch it. Shame on you.
Next, its the people on the show. Now I know they are picked to amuse, and to represent the "everyman" n all that shite, but really, comparing this lot to people you'd have any interest in, is like comparing a juicy steak to what they use to make frozen sausages, and can "legally" get away with calling it meat.
Then its my favourite, the fucking voice of BB, the nameless Geordie cocksmoker who's abilities stretch to telling you the time and what he sees on the screen.
Mate, I'll make you a deal, you can call me anytime, and I'll tell you what time it is, fuckface.
I could live a thousand lives without having to hear "Eets Tooo Thhiirrii faiiff Eee Em, and Shhan-elle is Tawwkin Gob-shaii egeeen". Arrrgh.
Then there's Davina, I mean, I don't blame her for taking the job, and she seems nice enough (I'm trying to be understanding here), but the poor girl has got some job trying to create excitement out of watching sub-human arsebollox on a screen.
Having said all of that, THE worst part of BB, is... wait for it.... YOU FUCKERS THAT WATCH IT.
There I've said it, and its the fucking truth.
YOU are what keeps this excrement on the feckin screen, and it gets far far worse.
Let me put it this way.. DO you realise hat you are doing by watching this cuntjuice of a programme. You are handing tens of thousands of pounds, sometimes hundreds, to the fuckerroos that are on it.
Thats right, YOU gave wotserface, the fat brainless idiot, a million quid. I mean why the fuck would you do such a thing, its worse that shagging your mates wife while pouring sugar into his petrol tank.
I can see you shaking your head and I'd feel sorry for you if i gave a shit, but man, you have to have some discipline. Every time you make someone a toilet celebrity like BB does, you're devaluing everything that mankind has been trying to do for eons.
Your children will grow up thinking that the thing they want to do with their lives, is take a magic pill, and hey presto they get everything they think they ever wanted, attention, the illusion of success, and some cash.
There wont be anyone left looking for a cure for cancer, or winning the Tour de France, they'll all be applying for BB or one of its illegitimate children.
I'm deadly serious, forget poncy Global warming, poverty or the Middle East; they are truly a minor issue in comparison to what faces all of us if BB continues to flourish.
In summary, Big Brother, you're a cunt, and anyone who watches it is a cunt, as is anyone who makes it. Most of all, everyone should treat you like cunts, as its only that sort of negative reinforcement that will quash the evil before us.
Don't take it lying down, tell em to fuck off, and do it now.
Jack
Tuesday 5 June 2007
Sunday 3 June 2007
Spice it up with "Tromboning"?
First of all I have to tell you that I've never experienced tromboning. It came up in conversation the other day and it appears that one of my friends was describing an enjoyable "tromboning session", so i had to know more.
In short, when you're in a standing position, and there's a girl kneeling behind you, if she then proceeds with some rimming while using a spare hand to wank you off from behind; there's no doubt about it, you're getting some tromboning.
Now, I can already hear you lot either being disgusted or laughing away, however, bear in mind that the bog standard vanilla blowjob, is still probably illegal in a bunch of repressed countries around the world, and that there are most definitely scores of married men in the UK that last got blown before they publicly said "I do".
I'm sure they all wouldn't mind a spot of tromboning every now and then if it was on offer.
Having said that, I gotta tell you, "tromboning", its a load of bollox, full stop.
I mean most chicks haven't even passed the blowjob equivalent of the 10m breaststroke certificate, let alone ready to graduate to the complex skills required for top flight tromboning.
In fact, in the unlikely event that you get offered some tromboning, you should ensure that you're dealing with someone qualified, and girls who don't measure up in the standard bj department shouldnt even be allowed to consider practising tromboning until they've reached a certain level of proficiency. It should be the law of the land.
There is one, and only one exception. I can imagine that tromboning can come in handy if you're lucky enough to have two girls working on you at the same time.
So while you're got one behind and one in front, probably wishing you had two cocks, you might get the holy grail of double blowjobs, with tromboning as the magic ingredient.
Nice.
Now fuck off and give it a go, I dare you.
P.S. If you think you're an expert at this, let me know and apply to Jack for a free consultation and feedback.
In short, when you're in a standing position, and there's a girl kneeling behind you, if she then proceeds with some rimming while using a spare hand to wank you off from behind; there's no doubt about it, you're getting some tromboning.
Now, I can already hear you lot either being disgusted or laughing away, however, bear in mind that the bog standard vanilla blowjob, is still probably illegal in a bunch of repressed countries around the world, and that there are most definitely scores of married men in the UK that last got blown before they publicly said "I do".
I'm sure they all wouldn't mind a spot of tromboning every now and then if it was on offer.
Having said that, I gotta tell you, "tromboning", its a load of bollox, full stop.
I mean most chicks haven't even passed the blowjob equivalent of the 10m breaststroke certificate, let alone ready to graduate to the complex skills required for top flight tromboning.
In fact, in the unlikely event that you get offered some tromboning, you should ensure that you're dealing with someone qualified, and girls who don't measure up in the standard bj department shouldnt even be allowed to consider practising tromboning until they've reached a certain level of proficiency. It should be the law of the land.
There is one, and only one exception. I can imagine that tromboning can come in handy if you're lucky enough to have two girls working on you at the same time.
So while you're got one behind and one in front, probably wishing you had two cocks, you might get the holy grail of double blowjobs, with tromboning as the magic ingredient.
Nice.
Now fuck off and give it a go, I dare you.
P.S. If you think you're an expert at this, let me know and apply to Jack for a free consultation and feedback.
Saturday 2 June 2007
When is Ass-to-Mouth acceptable?
Prompted by a rare intellectual pub debate and the idiotic sequel to the masterful film - "Clerks", I am closer to being able to resolve the debate of whether the act of Ass-to-Mouth, is acceptable, and if so, under which circumstances.
For all you frigid chick's out there, and for the fuckerroos who still don't know what "tromboning" is (see next post), Ass-to-mouth is simply being sucked off after you've been in her ass.
The reason this bothers me is that, I was categorically told "You NEVER go Ass to Mouth!", by more than one person, each of whom I respect enough to produce a counter argument, even if what I should be doing is telling them to fuck off, and getting on with some Saturday afternoon Ass-to-mouth of my own.
So, I think we can establish that anal in itself is perfectly ok, in fact girls sometimes demand it. By the same token, spazzing in her mouth is also ok, as if you've been doing anything right, sooner or later she's gonna ask you to do it (unless she's a jizz-o-phobe, in which case you're never gonna have the asstomouth dilemma anyway).
Individually, therefore, both anal and finishing in her mouth are OK, so thats sorted. Now why wouldn't they be ok when done consecutively?
A bunch of forum monkeys have already had a fairly unsophisticated debate about this on secondcitizen.com and their poll results on A to M, are as follows:
- Ok 16%
- Not Ok 52%
- Only in the heat of passion 19%
- Only when dipped in pie 13%
What a bunch of arse! 52% feckin percent not in favour, is bollox for a start. What grates me about the rest is the 19% "Only in the heat of passion". For fucks sake, if I happen to be in a chicks ass, Its gonna be in the heat of passion, and not something I'm doing while watching the news or whatever bollox.
Dipped in pie, does open up new possibilities, so I'm in favour of that one, but its gotta be dipped in pie AFTER being in her ass, not BEFORE, that would just be sick.
Besided, this lot clearly don't know Jack, and this isn't a democracy, and I'm saying that Ass to Mouth is like bacon and eggs, they're fine on their own, but better together.
I mean rimming is supposed to be kinda ok, and thats the poor girl having a taste of your ass, rather than her own, which is clearly far more palatable in the first place anyway.
So its ok isn't it? Well, maybe not always.
Following this logic, if Ass to Mouth is ok, is Ass to Mouth to Pussy to Ass to Mouth, also ok? Hmmm, I think it just might be.
Medically speaking, her ass contains less bacteria than her mouth, which makes it hygenic as well as fun. Bonus.
I suppose the only time it ain't ok, is if there's a GI issue of sorts, e.g. the runs or similar, but in that case Ass isn't cool to start with, let alone Ass to Mouth.
BUT, You're all missing the fucking point.
At this point, I have to explain, that the title of the post isn't really a question, its fucking rhetorical ok!
Whichever dumbass even has the inclination of asking the question is someone you shouldn't even be thinking of tolerating.
Can you imagine, like there's a couple in a bedroom, and he's stuffing her ass, and suddenly they're both wondering "Is Ass to Mouth ok?", "What will the neighbours think?", "Maybe I should call mummy and ask her?"
Those two clearly should not be procreating in the first place, hence ass to mouth is fucking compulsory in their case.
ASS TO MOUTH IS OK. (Unless Ass isn't ok, but then Mouth still might be, which is always a bonus, so its win win, either way).
Jack
For all you frigid chick's out there, and for the fuckerroos who still don't know what "tromboning" is (see next post), Ass-to-mouth is simply being sucked off after you've been in her ass.
The reason this bothers me is that, I was categorically told "You NEVER go Ass to Mouth!", by more than one person, each of whom I respect enough to produce a counter argument, even if what I should be doing is telling them to fuck off, and getting on with some Saturday afternoon Ass-to-mouth of my own.
So, I think we can establish that anal in itself is perfectly ok, in fact girls sometimes demand it. By the same token, spazzing in her mouth is also ok, as if you've been doing anything right, sooner or later she's gonna ask you to do it (unless she's a jizz-o-phobe, in which case you're never gonna have the asstomouth dilemma anyway).
Individually, therefore, both anal and finishing in her mouth are OK, so thats sorted. Now why wouldn't they be ok when done consecutively?
A bunch of forum monkeys have already had a fairly unsophisticated debate about this on secondcitizen.com and their poll results on A to M, are as follows:
- Ok 16%
- Not Ok 52%
- Only in the heat of passion 19%
- Only when dipped in pie 13%
What a bunch of arse! 52% feckin percent not in favour, is bollox for a start. What grates me about the rest is the 19% "Only in the heat of passion". For fucks sake, if I happen to be in a chicks ass, Its gonna be in the heat of passion, and not something I'm doing while watching the news or whatever bollox.
Dipped in pie, does open up new possibilities, so I'm in favour of that one, but its gotta be dipped in pie AFTER being in her ass, not BEFORE, that would just be sick.
Besided, this lot clearly don't know Jack, and this isn't a democracy, and I'm saying that Ass to Mouth is like bacon and eggs, they're fine on their own, but better together.
I mean rimming is supposed to be kinda ok, and thats the poor girl having a taste of your ass, rather than her own, which is clearly far more palatable in the first place anyway.
So its ok isn't it? Well, maybe not always.
Following this logic, if Ass to Mouth is ok, is Ass to Mouth to Pussy to Ass to Mouth, also ok? Hmmm, I think it just might be.
Medically speaking, her ass contains less bacteria than her mouth, which makes it hygenic as well as fun. Bonus.
I suppose the only time it ain't ok, is if there's a GI issue of sorts, e.g. the runs or similar, but in that case Ass isn't cool to start with, let alone Ass to Mouth.
BUT, You're all missing the fucking point.
At this point, I have to explain, that the title of the post isn't really a question, its fucking rhetorical ok!
Whichever dumbass even has the inclination of asking the question is someone you shouldn't even be thinking of tolerating.
Can you imagine, like there's a couple in a bedroom, and he's stuffing her ass, and suddenly they're both wondering "Is Ass to Mouth ok?", "What will the neighbours think?", "Maybe I should call mummy and ask her?"
Those two clearly should not be procreating in the first place, hence ass to mouth is fucking compulsory in their case.
ASS TO MOUTH IS OK. (Unless Ass isn't ok, but then Mouth still might be, which is always a bonus, so its win win, either way).
Jack
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